Colbert Reveals What Really Happened to Triumph Over the Comically Insulting Dog and ‘Late Show’ Staffers at the Capitol

He had to say something.

“Quick question, how was your weekend?” Stephen Colbert said at the top of his Last show monologue Monday. “I certainly had an interesting one, because some of my staff had a memorable one.”

From there, Colbert proceeded to break down all the previously unknown details about the seven Last show staffers who were arrested on Capitol Hill last week while filming a comedy about the Jan. 6 committee hearings.

“This is what happened,” he explained. “Last week I heard about my former colleague Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Triumph offered to go to DC and interview members of Congress to highlight the January 6th hearings. I said, ‘ Of course, if you can get someone to agree to talk to you, because – and please don’t take that as an insult – you’re a puppet.’

Colbert confirmed that Democratic and Republican members of Congress had agreed to speak to Triumph, the longtime comic creation of writer Robert Smigel – and he and the Last show the team spent two days filming footage in offices across from the Capitol building. “They went through security clearance,” he said, and fired all day Wednesday and all day Thursday, guests at the offices of members of Congress they were interviewing.

It was at the end of their second day Thursday when “Triumph and my parents were approached and detained by Capitol Police,” he continued. “Which, in fact, is not so surprising. The Capitol police are much more cautious than they were, say, 18 months ago, and for very good reason. If you don’t know what that reason is, I know what news network you’re looking at.

According to the host, everyone was “just doing their job”, they were “very professional” and “very calm”. The Last show the crew was “detained, processed, and released – a very unpleasant experience for my staff, a lot of paper for the Capitol Police, but a very simple story”.

“Until the next night when a few viewers started claiming that my puppet team had ‘committed an insurrection’ in the American building,” he said, referring to nonsensical comments from Tucker Carlson and others.

“First of all, what? Colbert said. “Second, huh? Third, they weren’t in the capitol building. Fourth, and I’m shocked to have to explain the difference, but an insurrection involves disrupting the lawful actions of Congress and calling for the blood of elected leaders, all to prevent the peaceful transfer of power. It was puppetry in the first degree. It was hijinks with goof intent. Misappropriation of a former Conan bit.”

Colbert said it was “predictable” that people like Carlson would make such outrageous claims. “They want to talk about something other than the January 6 hearings or the real seditionist insurgency that resulted in the death of several people and the injury of more than 140 police officers,” he said. “But to equate rioters storming our Capitol to prevent the counting of ballots with a stuffed dog biting a cigar is a shameful and grotesque insult to the memory of all those who died, and it trivializes to obscene manner the service and courage of the Capitol Police. shown this terrible day.

“But who knows, maybe there was a big conspiracy to overthrow the government of the United States with a rubber Rottweiler,” he joked. “We all know the long history of puppet anarchy. The big hug of the puppets, the Fraggle Riots of the 1980s.”

“In this case, our puppet was just a puppet doing puppet stuff,” he assured viewers. “And sad to say, so much has changed in Washington that Capitol police must remain on high alert all the time because of the January 6 attack. And as the hearings prove more clearly every day, the responsibility for this real insurrection lies entirely with Putin’s puppet.

It is not yet known when the play that Triumph and his team filmed last week will be broadcast on the Last showbut when it does, it’s sure to be one for the ages.

For more, listen to Robert Smigel on The Last Laugh Podcast.

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